Wanted!

This would-be crook has been spotted vandalizing property and impersonating officials! Authorities are offering a reward to any individual who is able to assist in apprehending said suspect. The perp has several alliases; flab, baby fat, rolls, jiggle, junk. If you have seen this assailant, it must be caught immediately! Beware, the suspect is said to be armed and dangerous!

Come on people...the women's lib movement was more than 40 years ago...and even then, things got a bit carried away! Tie it down and tighten it up! If you still aren't sure what I'm talking about...I'm speaking of the dreaded GIRDLE. I think the pc term is "shapewear." But whatever you call it...its not the enemy. I promise. I know you may think that your luciousness is something that everyone should behold...but the last time you went out dancing your hiney registered a 6.8 on the Richter Scale.

Our bodies are like our men...they have to be trained. In my grandmother's house, once you reached 7 or 8 years old, no matter your size, you were introduced to your first panty girdle. Now, that may be a little too young. But her goal was to train our little booties and tummies to stay tucked in. Modesty, as I believe she tagged it. Ahh, a word of old that has seemingly become equvilent to a four letter fouler like "fake." But dear learner, let me tell you that there is much to be said for leaving some things to the imagination, yes, even in 2010.

Now, that doesn't mean that you should go and bind yourself in a corset, but there is a whole industry that caters to smoothing the lumps and lines in our bodies. Some will make the argument that shapewear is teaching people not to accept their bodies...and I say that is New Age Hogwash!! That is like saying that wearing makeup means that you find your face unattractive. Shaping garments, just like makeup and perfume (for that matter) are intended to enhance beauty.

And if you have had children (vaginally or via C-section) or some sort of surgery that involved your stomach, this is a MUST. Stomach muscle damage is some of the most difficult to reverse. So help yourself out and get something that lifts and firms. I promise you ladies, even the sexiest (seemingly) leanest stars on television are shimmying their hips into various forms for girding things. Beyonce even wears flesh colored tights to keep her thighs...umm, let's say...in tune.

So, to all of my Maidenform, Spanx, and Body Magic amigas...LYLAS!!!!

Stay Stylish,

Dean Tipper Diva